iPhone app. Foursquare for cats. Micro petblogging. Owners can check them in by proxy wherever the hell they go during the day:
“Mr. Meowmers is at The Stairs”
“Mr. Meowmers is at The Food Bowl. ‘WTF no food here.’”
“Mr. Meowmers is at T. G. I. Poopbox”2 notes link >
A short video. A monologue to an offscreen cat, beginning with the lovey premise of “who’s a kitty? You’re a kitty!” before slowly becoming more insistent and impatient with the presumed cat until finally the speaker is basically shouting at the cat, e.g. “don’t you dare tell me you’re not a kitty, we both — look, I’m, I’m done talking about this. You’re a fucking kitty, goddammit. Fuck!”2 notes link >
A little helmet you put on your cats head, that has a laser pointer attached to it pointing forward and down a little bit.
Turn laser on, let cat drive itself completely batshit for the next however long.
Warning: cat may shine laser in the eyes of owner, other pets.3 notes link >
Posited: cats love it when they walk into a room and shit has been moved around.
Idea: a room with a floor composed of independent square column/accordian widgets, each capable of moving up and down by up to a foot or so. The floor automatically adjusts to a new random configuration every 24 hours or so, consequently blowing your cats fucking minds without you having to go to the effort of e.g. leaving a sweater and a bag of groceries on the floor.
Deluxe model would include some sort of built-in odor-dispenser nozzle.link >
An online gathering place for people who name their plants.
Pictured: the author with his three potatoes.
Redub all the vocals on my new album, Inchoatery, replacing the existing breakup-album lyrics with words about cats and how great they are and how they’re totally awesome and so forth, so that people who don’t like to listen to downer songs about breakups can listen to an album about kitties instead.
So the lyrics “you’re pathetic / just a sad sack / just an empty fucking shell”, for example, would be replaced with “you’re a kitty / you’re so pretty / and I love to pet your fur”, etc.link >